Understanding guilt: where it comes from and how to free yourself from it

As I am stepping into a new chapter of my life - launching my spiritual, motivational, and self-help business, Brighter Soul - I found myself needing to do the inner work to believe in myself enough to get this project off the ground, and help me become the woman I need to be to lead this movement.

But as I am building this dream, an old emotional block came back to visit. It took me back to when my children were younger. At the time, I had to work full-time. My youngest was only a year and a half and my work days were long. One day, I came home from work and saw the look on his little face that showed me he would have preferred to have me at home. It pierced my heart in a way that is still tangible today.

My kids are grown now, but that moment - and many others like it - remained buried and unconscious. And I realised I still had some hidden trauma. Even though I knew I did what I had to do to support my family, I still carried that guilt.

We’ve all felt it at some point in our lives, that nagging feeling inside when we think we've messed up or let someone down. Guilt is that uncomfortable emotion that bubbles up when our actions don’t line up with our values or what society expects from us.

Why do we even feel guilt?

Guilt isn't just random; it's deeply tied to our human need for connection and acceptance. We all want to feel like we belong? So when we sense that our behavior might disappoint or hurt others, guilt steps in, urging us to make things right. It pushes us toward reflection, apology, and positive change. But here's the problem: our upbringing, culture, and past experiences can make us feel responsible even when we're not.

The good and bad of guilt

Think of guilt as a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it can guide us toward becoming better people. On the other hand, it can become a heavy weight, dragging us down if we're constantly feeling guilty, even when we shouldn't be. Chronic guilt isn't just uncomfortable it can chip away at your confidence, ramp up anxiety, and block your growth. The key is learning to spot the difference between guilt that's helpful (nudging us toward positive action) and guilt that's harmful (keeping us stuck in negative self-talk).

A spiritual take on guilt

Across various spiritual traditions, guilt is seen not as something to avoid, but as an invitation to grow. In Kabbalah, guilt signals where we might need to put extra attention on healing. It’s viewed as a blessing in disguise, guiding us toward deeper spiritual work. Similarly, Buddhism encourages us to recognize our guilt without getting tangled up in it - teaching us to own our mistakes without letting them define who we are.

Practical ways to release guilt

Practice self-compassion: Imagine you’re talking to your best friend. Would you criticize them harshly, or offer understanding and kindness? Try treating yourself with that same gentle compassion.
Try mindfulness: Mindfulness practices like meditation or deep breathing help keep you present and stop guilt from spiraling out of control. It’s about observing your emotions without judgment or getting stuck in the past.
Change your perspective: Instead of being hard on yourself with thoughts like “I should’ve done better,” shift to “Next time, I’ll approach this differently.” It's all about learning, not punishing yourself.
Seek forgiveness: If there’s someone you feel you've genuinely wronged, consider reaching out and having an open, honest conversation. Clearing the air can significantly ease your feelings of guilt.
Set boundaries: Know your limits and don’t be afraid to communicate them clearly. Setting healthy boundaries can prevent situations where guilt might unnecessarily creep in.
Prioritize self-care: Nourishing yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually is crucial. Remember, looking after yourself isn't selfish—it's necessary for your overall wellbeing.

Embracing freedom from guilt

Letting go of guilt is about giving yourself permission to be human. It’s a journey of awareness, kindness, and forgiveness - mostly toward yourself. Understanding why guilt arises and knowing how to move through it empowers you to live lighter and freer. Every single moment is a fresh chance to choose growth over guilt. So, take a deep breath, learn what you can from the past, and move forward with a heart that’s ready to embrace joy instead of guilt.

It's a continuous process, but I am at this time choosing to release myself from the guilt I have felt over the years of needing to provide for my family whilst trying my best to be a good mum. I think of myself as a successful parent, as I have brought up loving children who are working their way through this world in their own, unique way.

Let us know what you think in the comments!